WHAT IT IS
Most INSECT agents were issued black velvet hoods but all were having great difficulty using them to capture teddy bears. This all changed briefly on a cool November morning in Northern Ontario.
Jones and Brown had just wolfed down a double order each of bacon and eggs at a small restaurant in Killarney and were waddling through the parking lot when Jones spotted a teddy bear sleeping on the roof near a kitchen exhaust vent. Brown ran to the car to retrieve his hood but it was nowhere to be found so he grabbed a black bag from a Black Velvet Whiskey promotion and headed for the roof. Sneaking up on his quarry, Brown pulled the bag over the teddy bear and hustled it into the trunk of the car.
The INSECT boys sped along Hwy. 637 knowing they might be the first agents to have captured a sentient teddy bear. Unfortunately for Jones and Brown a group of teddy bears saw all this unfold from a nearby rooftop and were planning a teddy bear intervention along the highway at this bridge
WHAT IT IS NOT
C.O. Micheals stood silently under a large Tamarack watching the hunter flick cigarette ash out the driver’s side window, his rifle barrel resting on the side mirror. Micheals picked up his trail several kilometers away on the edge of a red pine plantation and followed him discreetly until he reached the black truck he was now sitting in. The man’s gestures and gait seemed strangely familiar to Micheals but he couldn’t quite place him.
A women ran out of the bush destined for the truck and Micheals recognized her from a wanted bulletin he had in his truck. Melina Schulz hopped into the passenger side and the driver, Peter Lehman, fired up the vehicle and soon they were racing down the highway.
Micheals radioed ahead and the local police set up a roadblock at the bottom of a steep hill. Lehman’s steely eyes analyzed the police barriers, spotted a weakness and hit the gas pedal hard. Lehman’s truck hit the rear end of a police cruiser parked at a forty-five degree angle on the left side of the road. Lehman’s truck briefly swerved off the road and into the ditch, but he powered through, righted the truck, slumped down behind the wheel as the bullets flew and sped off down the highway.