ALPACA

WHAT IT IS

He was both docile and ferocious, a playful, thoughtful pet that Hammer could not remember being without. According to Hammer, it was the only known Polacka in existence, an unlikely union between a Polar Bear and an Alpaca which occurred over twenty years ago. Now, word had reached Hammer that his devoted pet had escaped his compound on Ellesmere Island and was heading south to find his master.

CO Micheals was on his fifth day of tracking what he believed was the largest black bear ever seen in Northern Ontario. Colleagues who had seen the beast put him at over one thousand pounds, although Micheals had a hard time believing in such a number. Micheals waltzed through the dense underbrush with stealth.  Only the prolific blackflies took notice of him, using his flesh as a blood meal. He was making his way around the east end of Devil’s Mountain in Pine country when he stopped at quiet stream hoping the black bear would soon need water and the two might meet.

Readying his tranquilizer gear, Micheals stationed himself high in a rock outcrop with a good view of the water and a natural trail the forest animals used to access the stream. Micheals passed the time building pine needle structures on the hard granite rock that surrounded him, until he heard the unmistakable huffing sound of a bear. Training the rifle scope in the general direction of the noise, Micheals could clearly see a monster of a creature, a black bear in size far beyond what he had ever seen before. As he waited patiently for the best shot, another enormous beast showed up on the other side of the stream. Within seconds this Alpaca-like animal, his fangs protruding and its claws extended, charged the black bear and a most fearsome fight ensued.

WHAT IT IS NOT

The sprawling compound that housed the launch pad for the next rocket launch in Mark Malloch’s vision for space tourism was a security nightmare. Bella and Dizzy had spent weeks studying the layout and believed they might have found a weakness. At the far reaches of the property, behind a tall chain linked and barbed wire fence, thirty Alpacas, outfitted with cameras and infra-red sensors, patrolled the fence line twenty four hours a day. One Alpaca, Lazy Daisy, took a short, unscheduled siesta everyday at 2 PM and it was Dizzy and Bella’s hope they could take advantage of this.

A plan was launched: the women would cut through the fence while Daisy slept, she would be tranquilized and the cameras and sensors transferred  to their teddy bear accomplices Beersey and Butsey for them to continue with the surveillance. In the meantime, Bella and Dizzy would penetrate deeper into the compound to disrupt the telecommunication signals between the command center and the rocket.

The six o’clock news started with a spectacular launch, and as the unmanned rocket climbed higher into the night sky, it paused unexpectedly, wobbled slightly then fell unceremoniously into the Atlantic Ocean.