News – WHAT IT IS/WHAT IT IS NOT

BEAVER TALES

blog photo 25 Tamagami.JPG WHAT IT IS

This is why I call my sister the Queen of the Coincidence. Sapphire thought her eyes were playing tricks on her, but it was indeed the Governor of Pennsylvania pacing back and forth on the dock along the shores of Lake Temagami. He was talking it up to local pilot, Samantha Gallant about getting the Beaver aircraft aloft and start looking for members of his fishing party that were lost somewhere in the bush.

Samantha was trying to impress on the Governor the need for an experienced spotter when Sapphire rushed to the dock, pulled out her high-powered binoculars and volunteered to help out. The Governor said they were looking for two US senators and the mayor of Beaver Falls.

The deHavilland Beaver, considered the backbone of the Canadian Forest Industry and perhaps the safest small aircraft ever made, stalled out at a couple hundred feet. Sapphire took this photo as the plane attempted a forced landing on Lake Temagami.

WHAT IT IS NOT

I told Cricket that six weeks of therapy was no where enough sessions to fix his fear of heights, but my brother insisted he could handle it. At exactly 9 am Cricket started his accent of the Temagami Fire Tower.

It was a painful two hours watching what others would accomplish in fifteen minutes, but finally he made it to the top. Once there, his acrophobia kicked into high gear and there was no getting him back down.

Emergency Services had two real emergencies to deal with, so it was eight hours before they arrived on scene and escorted Cricket painstakingly down to solid earth. He did manage to take this photo before the long descent began.

THE PLANT

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The deputy-premier of the small Caribbean island Nevis, was widely ridiculed in parliament for his explanation of why this small country did so well in the first Canine Olympics held in Salt Lake City, Utah.

The deputy-premier claims he witnessed an Unidentified Flying Object take off in the early morning hours and when he went to investigate the phenomenon a circular pattern in the soil containing the above pictured plants is all that remained.

He further explained that the island’s dogs ravenously ate the flowers and became ‘superdogs’, thus allowing them to take home 21 gold, 15 silver and 12 bronze medals.

WHAT IT IS NOT

After several strange instances involving confrontations between citizens and the insect world, a joint task force between the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the Federal Bureau of Investigation have been formed.

Although officials from both agencies believe there is no grounds for concern, the task force has discovered what they suggest is an insect ‘flag’ of some kind. This banner depicts a flower that the world’s leading botanist have not been able to identify. Additionally, the word ENTOMOLOGY is displayed along the bottom of the flag.

THE TURKEY VULTURE

Can a turkey soar?

turkey vulture 3 — Turkey Vulture Soaring

WHAT IT IS

The National Bird and Mammal Institute in Ottawa, Ontario recently loaned the Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources and Forestry a trained turkey vulture for help in the sighting of forest fires.

The excellent eyesight of this bird makes it especially useful for night observations. The pictured turkey vulture is responsible for detecting two forest fires and one cabin fire in its first week of service.

Unfortunately the cabin fire destroyed the structure, but the two individuals occupying the cabin made it to safety. Sapphire took this photo of the bird as it flew overhead.

WHAT IT IS NOT

Every year the World Champion Kite Flying Contest is held near Louisbourg, Nova Scotia, Canada. This year, however, contestants from Ontario and Quebec threatened to boycott the event due to inconsistencies in the judging of the event.

Complaints have skyrocket in recent years, with kite flying clubs complaining that the aerial component of the events were not consistently judged.

To address these concerns, the Board of Governors of the World Championship event has hired a trained turkey vulture to fly among the kites and render final judgements.

Ellie’s story continues

October 2017 Entry

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We had spent a busy day in the city. The monthly groceries, the medical appointments, the prescription pick-up at the drug store finally completed, Cricket and I were heading to our peaceful country home in Wanapitei. Just before we got on our way, Cricket suggested we drop into the Sally Ann store…again…just in case.

To our surprise the store was buzzing with young men. One of them pulled a stuffed giraffe loose from a box, and dangling it by the left leg, asked the cashier, “Hey lady, how much for this thing?”

Cricket noted the school colours and the school insignia on his jacket and whispered. “Frat boys.”

“All the stuffed toys are one dollar,” the cashier responded.

“Hey, guys, these things are dirt cheap. They’ll make great targets for paintball.”

Cricket eyed up the frat boys as they went through the store talking loudly and riffling through the boxes with reckless speed, throwing things around and wrecking carefully planned displays. The cashier watched them from the corner of her eye.

I needed bedtime reading so I began looking through the books lined up on a shelf. I pushed aside an outdated set of encyclopaedias to get at some novels. One of the hard cover books fell on the floor with a loud thud, and as I bent to pick it up, I spotted her in a large blue plastic tote stuffed in among some things that might be useful to someone, but not to me.

“It’s Ellie,” I gasped, catching Cricket’s attention. We hurriedly dug the teddy bear out from among the other items in the tote. I hugged her. I took her to the counter and put her gently on the counter. I started rummaging through my purse for a dollar, and then I heard coins rolling on the counter.

“Hey guys I’ve got one here. That’s it, let’s go.”

“I was buying her,” I said.

He shrugged. “I got to it first, lady. You snooze, you lose.” He headed for the door and his waiting friends. They began piling into a rusty sedan.

My brother Cricket is not the most athletic person but before I knew it he was heading off the frat boy, and just before the young man reached the car, he tackled him. In the scuffle that ensued I was able to wrestle Ellie from her kidnapper. Some of his friends came out of the car. As he started cursing at us, I threw him some coins, double what he’d paid. This seemed to pacify him, and he told his buddies to get going.

We drove to Wanapitei with Ellie on the seat between us.

THE CANINE UNIT

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WHAT IT IS

On a warm September afternoon Cricket and I found ourselves travelling along Commercial street heading toward the TD Garden to take in an exhibition game between the Boston Bruins and the Montreal Canadians.

As we drove along, a speeding silver mustang convertible, blue and red lights flashing, raced behind then beyond us. Cricket instinctively floored it and we followed the mustang for several blocks until it came to an abrupt stop along with several other police vehicles.

It seems a drug bust involving a new, elite canine unit and regular Boston police officers was about to take place. Sapphire took this photo of the head of this canine unit as he was relaxing in his mustang after a successful raid.

WHAT IT IS NOT

CEO Hugh Grant of Monsanto has issued a directive to all senior executives that they must travel in company SUV’s and be guarded at all times by company security officials.

Particularly singled out was Vice President Dr. Micheal K. Stein whose chauffeured silver mustang convertible has been often seen racing around St. Louis, Missouri.

Pictured here is the now laid-off chauffeur Gus. Fortunately for Gus, he has recently secured employment in Oslo, Norway herding up a group of chipmunks for a national bank in that city.

THE RAIDS

WHAT IT IS

The Federal Bureau of Investigation released this photo at a news conference held on the outskirts of Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania. According to local agents, a raid was conducted in an effort to round up some wanted ringleaders of an international insect syndicate.

Although the raid did not produce any arrests, a wasp, a bee and a dragonfly were seen fleeing the scene. The only item of significance found was a manifesto outlining the group’s intentions and a list of companies tied to the genetically modified seed industry.

WHAT IT IS NOT

Hidden among the bushes and trees are six security guards employed by the Handelsbanken in Oslo, Norway. The guards have been instructed to detain the three remaining chipmunks that the bank used in a failed customer relations project.

These munks were once used in an effort to help customers of the bank count their cash at the bank’s ATMs, but the project was shelved for a variety of reasons. Most of the munks have been shipped back to Canada, but the three remaining ones seem determined to continue to help their customers.

THE FROG

blog photo 20 frog.JPG WHAT IT IS

Early on a Sunday morning, Lake Tomiko resident Gus ‘the master’ Madison was leisurely paddling his canoe along the shoreline when he ventured into a swampy area of the lake. As his canoe skimmed along the water’s surface, Gus came across a huge log where small rocks were unmistakably arranged in patterns resembling Orion, The Big Dipper, Cassiopeia and other constellations were on display.

At the end of the log, a green frog dove into the murky water, but not before Gus got this photo taken. Cricket found a plain brown envelope in our mailbox containing this photo and a brief explanation of the events leading up to the time this photo was taken.

WHAT IT IS NOT

One of the most anticipated events at the Apache county fair in Oklahoma is the frog jumping contest. Frogs from all over the west south central states of the USA converge on Apache to compete for bragging rights and modest prize money.

Sapphire took this photo of ‘buck-jimmey’ who hails from Chappell Hill, Texas and who won the longest jump at thirty-five feet, one inch.

THE FLYING DUCK

Why would a duck attack a drone or apply for a job in a ballet?

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Cricket and I usually don’t find ourselves in South America, but on one occasion we were actually on a tour of Pablo Escobar’s compound in Medellin, Columbia. After the tour, we were relaxing on our hotel balcony when a drone appeared out of nowhere. As the drone was hovering in front of us, a duck smashed into the drone causing its destruction.

We later found out that twenty ducks are used by state run authorities to disrupt drug cartel drones, which they use for everything from communications to actual drug deliveries.

WHAT IT IS NOT

A few weeks before the production was to open, Sapphire took this photo of an Ugly Duckling hopeful as he flew around St. James park in Toronto.

On his Facebook page this duck wrote, “Mildred Duck says I’m too cute for the Ugly Duckling … she’s right.”

THE DESERT

Camping alone is not the best idea.

blog photo 16 geavel pit.JPG WHAT IT IS

Cricket said his guide may have had mental health issues, he didn’t know. What he did know is that the guide just left him in the Gobi Desert to fend for himself.

Cricket had gone to the desert to photograph the wild onions that are used for food by the various creatures that inhabit the desert. Cricket used his SAT phone to contact his helicopter pilot and took this photo as they took off for Sainshand, Mongolia.

WHAT IT IS NOT

Cricket and I spend a lot of time together, but once a year on July 2^nd, Cricket strikes out on his own for a couple days of solo camping in order to show off his independent streak.

He loads up the truck with all manner of camping equipment, camera gear and any supplies he thinks he may need. During one such outing, Cricket got a flat tire and because he left behind the jack, tire iron and spare tire in favour of “necessary gear”, he found himself in quite a pickle.

After scrambling up to the top of a gravel pit, he managed to get enough of a cell signal to call a tow truck. He took this photo as he waited for the truck to arrive.

THE JUMPING DOG

14 The Jumping Dog

WHAT IT IS

When the International Olympic Committee announced the first ever canine Olympics was to take place in Salk Lake City, Utah, this Shetland sheepdog from Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania began training immediately.

Canines are allowed to enter three separate events. Hopes are high throughout the United States that this dog will take home gold in the high jump, silver the hundred meters and perhaps even a bronze in treat eating.

Sapphire took this photo on a cold, snowy day near where the Amtrak came to an unscheduled halt and where several canines were training.

WHAT IT IS NOT

There is a small mammal research farm several kilometers from our Wanapitei home, on HWY 537. Sapphire was asked by the owners of the farm if she could drop by and take a few photos to be used in an upcoming promotional pamphlet the farm was planning to create.

The story of this jumping Shetland sheepdog turned out to quite interesting. The dog was herding up a group of chipmunks which were to be shipped to Oslo, Norway to a large banking institution. What exactly a bank was to do with chipmunks was not made clear to Sapphire.

THE DIRECTOR DUCK

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WHAT IT IS

After receiving federal funding for a bold new production of The Ugly Duckling, Magdalena Popa of the National Ballet, had tremendous difficulty recruiting a competent artistic director for this production.

After countless interviews and several trips abroad the National Ballet was still no closer to finding a qualified director. With funding now in jeopardy, one last desperate measure was contemplated. Magdalena Popa flew into Grassy Narrows, Ontario to visit with famed though temperamental artist Mildred Duck.

Sapphire took this photo of Mildred on opening night in Toronto, Ontario Canada.

WHAT IT IS NOT

Rifle manufacturer, Remington, recently hired the Australian firm BMF to work on a project to “soften” the rifle manufacture’s image.

The above pictured duck was chosen as lead actor for a series of commercials now running on Australian television.

Cricket took this photo while the duck was between shoots and relaxing near a small waterfall.

THE BEE

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WHAT IT IS

In the late 1970s the East German Stasi had infiltrated the British Foreign Service, MI6, to the point where daily communication between MI6 offices and field operatives was suspect.

A botanist working at the fringes of the spy world, developed a team of bees outfitted with micro chips that were used to enhance communication between various MI6 locations.

Sapphire took this photo of a bee persistently hovering outside her hotel window. The concierge says the hotel is a long-abandoned MI6 safe house and the bee is most likely a “generational throw-back” to the bees of the 1970’s.

WHAT IT IS NOT

While walking along Oak St. in Vancouver, B.C., near the Van Dusen Botanical Gardens, the bee pictured above and several of his compadres were seen fleeing down the street and into the gardens.

Ambulances arrived shortly thereafter and took Hugh Grant, the CEO of Monsanto, to hospital.

ELLIE’S STORY CONTINUES…

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During a much-needed vacation to beautiful Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, Cricket and I spent an entire day at Pier 21, the wonderfully historic Museum of Immigration located on the waterfront. After nearly eight hours on our feet, we still wanted to stroll down to Pier 12, a more commercial/industrial area of the harbour.

This is when we first saw Ellie, disheveled and propped up against the side of a rusty container that had recently arrived from Shandong, China. As Cricket took this photo, I rushed toward her with every intent of calling her my own. Before I reached her, a burly stevedore grabbed Ellie and stuffed her into a box and threw the box into the back of an eighteen- wheeler.

I begged him to sell me the teddy bear, but he could not…would not. It was not his job. In fact, he said he could lose his job if he did such a thing. The stevedore did tell me that the shipment of boxes was destined for cities in Northern Ontario, Canada.

Months passed. Every time I found myself in North Bay, Timmins or Sudbury, I rummaged through the Walmarts and Thrift stores looking for Ellie. One day, in a Salvation Army thrift store in Sudbury, Ontario Canada…

THE GLOBE

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WHAT IT IS

After a long-delay the Amtrak left Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania for Washington, D.C. Cricket and I were visiting the National Aeronautics Space Administration headquarters to witness the unveiling of a housing structure that NASA intended for use on the planet Mars.

After an exhaustive search involving hundreds of the world’s best architects and engineers, a biologist from Weyburn, Saskatchewan suggested the structure of a common dandelion was best suited for the hostile climate on the planet Mars.

Plans to build the first prototype are in the works as this is written.

WHAT IT IS NOT

Recently a caddy at Glenn Abby golf course in Oakville, Ontario Canada revealed a process he discovered to “freeze-dry” dandelion seed heads and use them as golf balls.

Apparently, in the early spring, he and his buddies patrol the greater Oakville area producing hundreds of golf balls and then selling the product to golf courses all over southern Ontario.

Cricket took this photo shortly after picking himself up off the pavement, legs twisted and entangled with his bike frame. He was “beaned” by a freeze-dried golf ball while cycling along Dorval Drive in Oakville, Ontario.

THE INSECT

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WHAT IT IS

The Hyatt Centric Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco is an elegant hotel, that Cricket and I rarely visit when staying on the west coast. However, on one occasion, we found ourselves lounging around the pool when all hell broke out in the hotel’s restaurant.

The entire kitchen staff was attacked by a swarm of insects. The staff made it out of the kitchen with assorted bites, bruises, and stings.

The subsequent investigation revealed the ring leader of the insects, pictured above, is a leading activist who organizes attacks on establishments which feature insects on their menus.

Now on the FBI’s ten most wanted insect list, this guy is believed to be on the run somewhere near Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania.

WHAT IT IS NOT

The girls field hockey team in Annapolis Valley, Nova Scotia Canada have adopted this insect as the team mascot.

The team, known as the A.V. Insects, have a tradition of releasing a swarm of various insects before each Friday night game. Although the swarm is encouraged to not directly contact the opposing team, things have been known to get out of hand.

Sapphire snapped this photo after being stung by one of these critters…presumably because she was dressed somewhat like a Truro Turkey.