THE TOWER

 

blog photo 37 tower ladder.JPGWHAT IT IS

Unlike the depraved bastards in Arkansas who throw live turkeys from an airplane to their deaths, Mutt Jefferson does quite the opposite. Once every three months Mutt climbs this tower with a peregrine falcon or two and gently encourages them to do what they do best.

This year Mutt released seven falcons; one seagull he rehabilitated from ingesting copious amounts of pesticides was also released.

WHAT IT IS NOT

Miles Hobbson, former deputy premier of Nevis, uses the platform atop this tower to record observations of UFO’s coming to earth from the regions around the star Mizar.

Equipped with a powerful telescope, Hobbson claims to have triangulated touchdowns in Beaver County, Pennsylvania, Halifax Stanfield International Airport, San Francisco, London, England and of course his beloved Nevis. To date, Hobbson has not offered an explanation of why these visitors are landing on earth.

THE COMPOUND

 

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WHAT IT IS

The newly formed international law enforcement agency, INSECT, purchased this compound in Northern Ontario, Canada to be used as its main North American research and enforcement headquarters.

The compound has seen hundreds of people coming and going in recent weeks, including the arrival of Monsanto’s Dr. Micheal K. Stern and University of Missouri’s Frank James aboard Samantha Gallant’s Cessna 182. Although not employees of INSECT, it is believed that they were consulted on several projects.

 

WHAT IT IS NOT

Equipped with an Olympic sized pool, a full gym, a track and field oval and a new frisbee pasture, philanthropist Jason Brisk has donated this facility to the International Canine Olympic Committee as a place for canine Olympians to relax and prepare for upcoming events.

Currently occupied by the Olympic teams from Nevis, controversy erupted at the facility when canines from North America and Europe accused Team Nevis of doping during the last Olympics.

THE SEAGULL

 

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WHAT IT IS

It is said that a large Trumpeter Swan inhabits the northern shores of Lake Temiskaming and is responsible for assigning large numbers of seagulls to do their daily chores. Sixteen seagulls to McDonalds, eight to Kentucky Fried, thirty-six to the town dump…and so it goes.

While in Temiskaming Shores,  Cricket and Sapphire decided to check out this unlikely rumour and spent a day kayaking the north shore of the lake, finding no evidence of a swan.

They did manage to take this photo of a gull as it cruised along a beach area in front of their hotel.

WHAT IT IS NOT

It was a cold November day, snow was being whipped around the rocky cliffs of Gros Cap, and the winds off Lake Superior were stronger then they had been all month.

Mutt Jefferson had just finished closing up some outbuildings when he spotted a gull in some distress. The gull’s flight was awkward and disoriented; it seemed to have no sense of direction.

Mutt finally got a net over the bird and brought it inside. Once there, he discovered a band on its leg: “Imidacloprid 1% of diet.”

“This can’t be good,” he thought.

BIG DIPPER

 

the dipper (2)WHAT IT IS

He stared at the dark photo, zeroing in on the second star from the end of the handle of the Big Dipper. He could clearly see it was a double star, the larger one was called Mizar, the smaller Alcor. He was convinced planets occupied the space between these two stars and it was from these planets where aliens visited his island – Nevis.

He was Miles Hobbson, former deputy-premier of Nevis. It took nearly a month, but the parliament finally forced him to resign his seat and the presidency of the governing party.

Hobbson now spends his days traveling around North America, explaining the events that occurred on Nevis. His next stop is a presentation to the International Canine Olympic Committee in Salt Lake City, Utah.

 

 

 

WHAT IT IS NOT

On one of Cricket’s solo camping trips, he decided at the last minute to hike to Gus Masterson’s camp on Lake Tomiko.   As darkness fell,  Cricket soon found himself lost in the bush, and he was kicking himself for not having paid heed to the first rule of camping:  tell someone where you are going.

Cricket did have a plan, however.  Once in complete darkness he would use the pointers of Cassiopeia to find the North Star and this would help him get back to the highway.

Had Sapphire been with him, she would have told him to use the Big Dipper to find the North Star.

 

ELLIE’S STORY CONTINUES…3

 

 

 

 

 

ellie's story continues.JPGSapphire knew she had to get all the details right if Ellie was to become sentient.  The water droplet had to be harvested from the Alexandra Fjord on the spring equinox; it had to be kept in a damp, dark location until the summer solstice; it had to be transported by a horse no larger than 10 hands.  Ellie had to sit on a north facing wall made of bricks and Sapphire had to wear a Bamilieke Elephant Mask from central Africa while she poured the droplet over Ellie’s head.  All this was to take place when the sun was at its highest

Everything was close to ready.  The droplet was safe in an abandoned well on Sapphire’s and Cricket’s property.  Sapphire had borrowed a gentle Shetland pony from their neighbours; an old brick foundation wall down the road was ready to use, and an acquaintance in Cameroon had found a mask and was shipping it via the postal service.  Cricket had gone early that morning into town to pick up the mail.  But he had not returned yet. Sapphire paced the floor with Ellie under her arm, stopping occasionally to peer out the window towards where the car would appear on the dirt road.  High noon was approaching fast.

Suddenly, Sapphire thought she saw plumes of dust and sure enough, Cricket’s car appeared over a hill and came veering crazily into their driveway.  He jumped out of the front seat with the elephant mask.

It was a truly awe-inspiring experience to see a lifeless Teddy bear being transformed into a loud, exuberant creature.  In a voice that could only be described as a cross between Phyllis Diller and Ethel Merman, Ellie loudly declared she wanted to write fiction.

Cricket took this photo of Ellie during the transformation.

YELLOWJACKET

 

 

 

 

 

blog photo 32aa yellowjacket.JPGWHAT IT IS

Two recent hires at Bayer Crop Science were tasked with a very small section of research in support of a much larger project designed to refudiate the belief that their products, neonicotinoids, are responsible for the collapse of honey bee colonies across North America.

The two researchers were involved in field studies observing the predation patterns and interactions between yellowjackets and other insects. This particular yellowjacket seemed to take a strong dislike to the two, and pestered them until they left the area.

WHAT IT IS NOT

A simple pleasure that the administrative assistant to the mayor of Beaver Falls enjoys is her quiet lunch time ritual. Every day at about noon, when most employees leave the building for lunch, Margaret shuts the door to her office, opens a window and places several pieces of fruit on the window ledge. With the soulful sounds of Blackie and the Rodeo Kings singing Willie P. Bennet’s Thessalon, a yellowjacket or two inevitably would show up and partake in the free fruit.

DOG FIGHTS

 

 

 

 

 

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WHAT IT IS

Unlike the human Olympics, the canine Olympics take place every year for four consecutive years then takes a four-year hiatus so that new athletes can begin training. With that in mind, this Beaver Falls canine didn’t have much time to lament his defeats in the high jump and the hundred meters when he was pressed back into training.

The United States Canine Olympic Committee decided on a rigorous training regime to prepare this dog for Canine Olympic Style Wrestling. Pictured here is his diminutive but tenacious trainer showing our Olympian the finer points of the sport.

WHAT IT IS NOT

It was a true breakthrough in rail safety when Amtrak hired and trained two Beaver Falls dogs, Chuckles and Jasper, to walk along the Amtrak rail lines looking for track defects and any other safety concerns.

It was a great disappointment when Amtrak officials announced that the pair would be laid off due to declining revenues and smaller passenger volumes.

Chuckles took the news particularly hard, but after a spirited donnybrook with Jasper both dogs felt better and vowed to secure employment elsewhere.